I should leave…

Dear [Director of customer service@bank],
It should not take 11 minutes and 9 seconds of my life to request a new internet banking password. You need to fix this experience!

I honestly thought that after a minute I was doing well, I got none of the questions wrong and had the account number to hand like any good caller should.
How the hell do you explain an overseas phone line so bad I have to spell out my name and an ‘officer’ who does not understand the phonetic alphabet for god sake?

Your off shore call center could process far more calls with higher satisfaction if the call transit was not noisy and compressed beyond reasonable clarity levels, so where is the sense in that?
Your call handlers would make less mistakes if they knew and used the phonetic alphabet too.
Then I hold for four and a half sodding minutes whilst they “raise my request”. WTF! That’s one button push in my book, so with respect your system is very very broken.
Lastly, I want this information so I can use the account. Why does it take 10 days for a letter to arrive??!! Surely your not posting it from the call center, are you?!?

May I respectfully suggest you pay an English speaking mystery shopping company to report on your service? Or perhaps still survey your customers anonymously. (No point in teaching your customers how to get phished!)

I look forward to your prompt response. If I fail to hear back from you within 14 days I will assume you don’t give a rats’ ass about feedback and want me to take that my savings account and ISA’s elsewhere.

Regards,

Moi